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Profession – adoptive parents

 

Popularity adoption in Belarus is growing. It sees not only armed with statistics specialist (, but any casual visitor on issues adoption of Internet forums. “Intrauterine pregnancy or narodnosna – what is the difference in principle?” – one notices pending the completion of the procedure of adoption mom. From imitating the pregnancy with the help of pillows predecessors it separates two decades. Belarusians during this period of time has changed.

– We not only develop the legislative framework for the adoption and methods of working with adopted children by families, but the philosophy and form of adoption, – says the Director of the National center of adoption of the Ministry of education of Belarus Pospelova Natalia. – With the help of the press and adoptive parents were able to debunk popular myths – “genes don’t crush” and “the Apple never falls far from the tree”. Today’s adoptive parents know that heredity and experience of early childhood is not fatal, the result of the upbringing of the child is determined by the environment. The last myth is: “if I truly love someone else’s child?” Adoptive parents who Express such doubts, we recall that they are legally married. Therefore, already in love with another person and trust him so that even ready to continue their family. When we talk about it, many like a veil from the eyes drops: really, all the closest people to us were once “strangers”…

According to Pospelova Natalia, the basis of marriage and adoption is the same motive – the love of another person. It is the highest form of love, because it is not caused by a relationship and not dictated by the voice of the blood. Recently in Belarus there were cases of adoption of children with serious health problems. While they are single.

The Institute of foster families

In Soviet times, variants of the device were orphans, like the story of Hercules at the crossroads, only three. Relatively healthy infants are adopted. The older children were transferred under the care of their grandmothers and aunts. The rest of the road was one – to the orphanage. In the early 90-ies only 30 per cent of orphans were in adoptive or foster families, the rest 70 in boarding schools. Now the opposite: 70% of orphaned children live in families. There are new forms of substitute parenting – foster home, children family home, guest or foster family.

Created ten years ago, the national center for adoption sign, of course, will not change. But, in fact, he had already transformed into the national center for children in families of different types. With March on the basis of socio-pedagogical center of Savetski district of Minsk will start the training programme professional foster parents, that is, prospective adoptive moms and dads. The center for adoption incrementally develops and prescribes a technology of taking children families. Since the institution of the foster family in the country has arisen recently, the necessary methodological developments on the level of benefits for “dummies”.

– The adoptive parents are different from the adoptive parents for all determining parameters, – says Natalya Pospelova. It is one thing to take a child into their family, giving him the name, the inheritance, the right to be called a son or daughter, and another to get a job. Professional mom, as usual, reads stories and puts him in the Apple portfolio. But she has no maternal authority: all crucial for the child’s decisions are made after discussion with the employer – the Department of education or socio-pedagogical center. If is the adoptive father or mother family of the child is taken for the mind, the foster mother gives the pupil in a permanent family. She can’t tell the prospective adoptive parents: “He’s attached to me!” or hug the child, sighing: “Will your mom love you so much?” I held the adoptive parent is no role conflict, so she will just tell the adoptive parents, what dishes he loves her graduate and under what lullabies are used to sleep. It is in the interests of the child.

The Director of the National adoption center believes that in ten years the Belarusians managed to comprehend foreign experience professional family care and find your way – bypassing the “rake”, which in the postwar years stumbling foreign colleagues. Today we can confidently say that there are two huge advantages of the foster family over other forms of adoptive parenthood.

– Firstly, the professional parent chooses not children, taking and adolescents with anti-social behaviour, and children with special needs, and “time” whose parents are in places of deprivation of liberty. Secondly, the foster family, who lives in the same area as that of biological, gives the child the right to the stability of the territory. In addition to all the known troubles that fall to the lot of an orphan by definition, there is one constant and not always justified move. According to the Bank data Center adoption, we estimate that orphaned children until you grow up, change up to six times a residential institution, and with it the city, friends, familiar surroundings. They have to constantly adapt to new conditions. It happens, who graduated from the Metropolitan school orphan learns that somewhere in a remote village near the Russian border he has a little house: by law, an orphan is implementing their right to social housing at the place of purchase status.

Orphans and the dependents

In the program of training of foster parents is the movie “Stepmom” (“Mosfilm”, 1973). The film’s plot is simple: a woman was taken to the family illegitimate daughter of her husband, whose mother had died. Since this all began. Neighbor washed her bones at the well. Came to visit the teacher pursed her lips in disbelief: “you’re a little kid. Probably Helen works a lot. “Mother-in-law turned the conflict involving an older child: “Mom you didn’t need, she look deals with THIS!”

We asked foster parents, relatives and friends reacted to their decision to take the family to the orphaned children. It turned out, the majority supported only the closest – husband, mother. Other relatives and friends took the news with great perplexity: Yes why do you need. Looks like we may be at the mercy of society is not necessary: either we tell him about the purpose of foster parenting, or will continue to tolerate his inappropriate attitude.

Alas, our society still can’t see how someone “preying on orphans”. It suspects, calling “where necessary” (often to the national center for adoption, with a request “to understand”) and sets foster children Jesuit questions: “Peter, you’re in foster care are brought up… And you eat all at one table?” (the question was asked 11-year-old boy teacher with the highest category and 25 years of work experience). If the porch is broken glass, a priori guilty “here’s this, from the third floor, which scored himself a stranger and receives a salary.”

– Bias against social orphans and surrogate parenthood have historical soil, – says Natalia Pospelova. – The shameful pages of the Belarusian and Russian history of the XVIII–XIX centuries were associated with professional foster parenting – remember the so-called nursery trade. The progressive thought of the time offered to give to feeding Pets of orphanages and into families of wealthy farmers. The master gave five rubles (mad money, because a cow could be bought for 90 cents), but no selection, no family support, no monitoring the situation of children was not conducted. As a result, the Pets not only ate separately from the family, but often subjected to beatings and humiliation.

And this despite the fact that in our mentality for a long time the attitude towards the orphan was very sincere and compassionate: if the parents died, a rural community took their children to ensure that girls are attached in needlewoman, boys – in apprentice to the best masters. To offend the orphan was considered a great sin. Why so shameful was the experience of the nursery industry? Yes, because the inmates of asylums are not children of deceased parents. Are social orphans, or children of iniquity, conceived in unhallowed Church connection. Society and treated them as the product of sin.

Pospelova Natalia still frequently hears the same question: “is it right that the child of the deceased parent has the same rights and privileges with the offspring of an alcoholic and a bum? My parents drink a finger for her life, not hit, and their children and vacations in Italy, and the apartment without waiting in line (my son in the queue would move), and to the University out of the competition? Where is the justice?”

Justice, perhaps, where the head of the corner are the interests of the child – regardless of age, health status and life history of his parents.