Unconditional love or blind adoration?
As is often said about unconditional love and imply adoration! And Vice versa: for adoration does not distinguish love. It seems to be very close to these concepts: in both cases the child is important, listened to, valued. Until parents begin to listen to other’s advice and experience . the confusion is not terrible. Recently tried to convince my mom how important it is to support the child in harmless pranks and to love unconditionally – in reply she said that the son will grow up to be selfish without shame or conscience. And nailed me examples of who you where and I adore my little son and daughters took down their lives in the sewer. Not all are notable for the huge gap between unconditional love and devotion . We try to identify?
The adoration originally blindly . it assumes the presence of an idol . infallible and perfect. Perhaps, many people familiar with the situation, when the family by the full circling of the child – “the bright sun” and fulfills all his whims. Wants a child the moon – parents and chase after her. Familiar eldest daughter was raised as a Princess . She was adored by all, and borders that was not. Praised the girl for the most minor things, her talents were lifted up incredibly high and was shown all around. The child invariably became the center of attention adult company . And then parents treated her hysterical neurosis – a picture of the real world, where she came as a teenager, grossly differed from the established incubator. Parents had the need to be proud of your child, exposing her as a result of their parent’s efforts and to pay off a complex adaptation in society had the baby. Fortunately, they managed, albeit with the help of a psychologist.
Adorable child playing (belittling his concerns in children’s abilities to his personal success), and glorify (accustomed to dependence on third-party evaluation). What is useful for the baby, will you give him a foothold in your life? In this situation, nothing like that. He loses the ability to feel their strength and therefore their ability to rely on themselves in life. And formed a dependency in the admiration of others can push the baby in questionable activities.
Blind adoration deprives of sense of reality all parties involved. And the world in which to live child – real.
Completely different with the notion of unconditional love . It is based on acceptance of the child as he is, how he came into this life with their traits and appearance, with his temperament and abilities. Love . taking simply because he is, with all imperfections. Yeah, he’s like, not bad and not good, and not have to cram it into the system of other people’s assessments.
In an atmosphere of love and acceptance, the child learns to engage in relationships with other people outside of the self. Here is formed a healthy attachment . and especially important is the experience of being, so as not to get lost in life and learn to develop their own benchmarks.
However, often talking about the unconditional love of ambitious parents put the baby into the Procrustean bed of their own ideas about how it should be. Encouraging, adjusting – if only favorite child walked in the indicated direction.
Children are: they are all interesting, curious. They learn about the world and it is not surprising that sometimes disturb others manifestations of their emotions. Who was not a witness of the children’s whim in the store . I liked the way the neighbor they did: sat down beside him and talked, explained without looking back to other people’s comments and attempts to shame toddler. Without the desire to make excuses: “Oh, we slept badly today…”, and not ignoring the child’s need for acceptance. It’s her child, she taught him to live in society without fear, with understanding themselves and their own desires . And she never tried to look competent mother with a properly-mannered child around . The girl understood that children are our reflection: if there is a sense of wrongness (in this case mom), be sure the pursuit of correctness. So others have praised it and given a score. Then where will be the place for your child?
Children keenly feel the attitude towards, and fear of rejection by parents is one of the most powerful: it provides survival and has physiological roots. Through this loophole in their world easily creeps in conditional love . the child feels that he is more love, a corresponding image of a good parent child (taking first place in the competition, a lot of reading, being obedient, etc.).
Of course, acceptance doesn’t mean to abandon parental effort in education and to go with the flow. No. But it is important not to crush the child, forcing him to meet set requirements. Give him a chance to be me, and not you.
The awareness of their own needs and capabilities – and there is something that can serve as a reliable Foundation of personality . And he begins in childhood. Child – personality, to the development of which requires reliable “womb” (the same unconditional parental love, giving a sense of security, trust and confidence) and space where he can prove himself.
It is impossible to overestimate the support . provided attentive parents of the child in its development, searching, confidence. The child is exploring new facets of life, feeling of support . Parent family the child learns to establish relationships with other people. And what they will be depends on us, parents.